For fifty years I lay awake reliving a childhood horror.
Now I  don't. Here's how I solved my problem.

50 Years of Nightmares 

We were poor and every night I heard the rats scratching on the floor door in the basement. They frightened me. I was only five. Thinking they would scratch through the floor door, I listened in terror night after night.

We lived behind a store and one summer night, I walked into my bedroom to see a large rat lying on my pillow. He was sick from the poison my father had left in the corners to kill the rats. I screamed and he slowly walked off the bed. For years I relived that awful moment.

By age 55 I could only sleep an hour a night. I believe the only thing that saved me was my daily meditation. I would not take medication to sleep and sought more natural means; not eating after dinner... sometimes a cup of hot chocolate helped,  but mostly I did creative thinking to pass the hours of sleeplessness.

My digestion wasn't going well so I went to Dr. McGarey's live in holistic clinic in Arizona. He was into alternative therapies and I thought he might help me.

I asked to be put in a quiet room because of my sleep pattern and one in which I would not disturb others if I moved around. They put me upstairs where it was hot. August was probably not the best time of the year to be in Phoenix. Exhausted I fell sound asleep, only to awaken from the fan rustling some papers.

The noise from the papers rustling set my nerves on edge. I turned around trying to decide whether to sweat by shutting off the fan or leave it on and endure the noise. That's when I saw the king rat sitting in my doorway. I knew the image wasn't real, just a figment of my imagination, but it terrified me.

I got up, shut off the fan and tried to sleep, but the image of the rat kept returning. Finally I got up and like a frightened child, I sat at the top of the stairs hoping someone would wake up that I could talk to. No one woke up.

My imagination heightened and I saw dozens of king rats coming up the stairs. I knew I was imagining the scene but couldn't seem to turn it off.

Like a Hollywood movie, I saw myself steering a three mast sailing ship. I knew instinctively that my shipmates were dying or already dead from the rats that were all over the ship. I was the only healthy one left.

Night after night I tried to steer the ship towards land. Finally I fell asleep and woke to excruciating pain. The rats were eating me alive.

I heard my name being called and came out of the bad vision. It was the housekeeper asking if I was all right. I burst out crying and told her what had happened. She suggested I see the Gestalt therapist in the morning. I did.

He had me role-play with the rat that died in my bed. At first I was reluctant to return to my childhood fear, but I needed help. I thought I was going mad but the therapist helped me get through the visualization and finally, I was able to let go.

For the first time in 50 years I slept through the night. I don't know if many people believe in past lives, but for me it explained my sleep disorder. Rats had played a major role in my present life, but until my vision aboard the ship, I couldn't get past the fear of needing to be awake to listen for the sounds of the rats.